Don’t Watch Tour De Farce (This Time)

The Tour de Farce begins Saturday. And nothing will be quite what the Versus network had in mind, when it began showcasing the most famous cycling event in the world during Lance Armstrong’s reign in the yellow champion’s jersey.

For starters, the Tour de France does not even begin in France this go-round. It starts off across the Channel, in London.

Which in turn means the Tour begins at the epicenter of recent terroristic attacks. As MSNBC notes, fans will be gathering by the hundreds of thousands “just around the corner from where terrorists failed to detonate a car bomb less than a week ago.” 

That should be enough to give Versus pause about its investment. But the doping scandals that have blown apart the Tour and made this year’s edition a farce are more explosive, from a ratings standpoint.

Last year’s winner, Floyd Landis can’t even suit up. The American has been under suspicion of doping ever since his miraculous ride through the mountains that saved his campaign for the crown of world’s best cyclist last July.

Also gone, all from links to doping: Ivan Basso, the only guy who could keep up with Armstrong in the hills at the end of the Texan’s seven-year reign; Jan Ullrich, the perennial bridesmaid in the Armstrong years; and the world’s best sprinter, Alessandro Petacchi.

There is no clear favorite, no one to root for with any great passion. Levi Leipheimer and the Discovery Channel team – in its last outing under that label – gets default support. But enthusiasm is low.

Getting riders to sign documents that attest to the cleanliness of their bodies and intents mean little to nothing. You simply can’t tell, going in, who’s honest and who’s not. The 1996 winner, Bjarne Riis, proved that, by giving up his claim to the yellow jersey a couple months ago.

Expect a ratings meltdown for Versus. With Lance in the chase for all-time records, the network, then known as OLN, averaged 1.7 million viewers. Last year, with another American winning, the count was halved, 893,000.

From where I sit, that probably gets halved again, to around 450,000 this year. Closing in on the order of a show on Comcast’s other “game” network, G4. 

And, I sit a lot on a saddle. In fact, while in France last weekend, I’d hoped to tackle the Alpe D’Huez, the most famous of the Tour de France climbs, with its steep grades and 21 switchbacks. Didn’t happen.

Sure, fans of cycling should be fans of the Tour de France. But do I expect to hear Versus really taking on the sport that it features and leading a charge for real lasting and radical reform? Heck, despite its coy ad in USA Today, don’t be surprised if there’s a lot of dancing around doping and the problems of the sport; and its would-be champ, Floyd Landis and whomever wins this year. But not real discussion or championing of change.

A one-year hiatus would have been a real statement that the sport intended to fix itself and start fresh. As it is, it’ll be years before a track record is established that lets cycling build up a new fan base. You can’t put pinhole cameras on every participant 365 x 24 x 7 (can you?). Testing systems have a way of being reactive, not proactive. And in the end, it’s hard to trust all participants in a worldwide sport to play fair all the time.

Not when they’re stretching the limits of human endurance like this. Two thousand miles in 20 stages. More than 20 top-grade climbs. Six mountain stages and three mountaintop finishes. It’s a call for supra-human assistance, from the get-go.

If you’re serious about cycling, you just go cycling.

You don’t watch.

Not this time, any way.