Mixed Martial Arts? I Pass

It has finally hit me that I am now officially an old fart when it comes to sports.

I’m not starting to bay at the moon when the Mets lose – not yet anyway – but more and more things about sports bother me.

I guess I’m what you would consider old school.

I like the shorts NBA players used to wear back in the day because you could tell who was in shape and who possessed thunder thighs.

I like stirrups that baseball players wore along with the sanitary socks that went with it instead of the almost too long pants that slow you down.

I don’t like jewelry on men or body piercing on women, especially tongue piercing. I know there is a sexual upside to this, but the downside is you now speak with a permanent lisp and it’s just plain creepy.

And don’t get me started on tattoos. The butterfly peeking above a women’s bra line will look like a dead moth when she hits 60.

“Mommy, should I get the Raid? There’s a bug on grandma!”

But most and foremost, I positively, absolutely despise the latest “sports” craze that is Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) or extreme fighting.

I have covered sports for over 30 years and was lucky enough to be the president of the Boxing Writers Association of America for four years during the mid ‘90s.

I saw the strangest (the fan man fight in Las Vegas) and the dangerous (Madison Square Garden riot), but MMA has no place in my world.

I know, it’s the fastest growing sport since NASCAR and the young people love it and therein lies the rub.

Marketers are always looking for the 18-34 demographic group to hit up assuming they know what they like.

Former boxing executives Marc Ratner (Nevada Athletic Commission) and Jay Larkin, (Showtime) and both friends of mine, are involved with the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) and International Fight League (IFL), respectively. They are doing their best to help the “sport” and good luck to them, but I ain’t buying.

Most people, even if they are not boxing fans, know the difference between and left hook and a right cross. They know a southpaw stance when they see it, but they don’t know who the heavyweight champion of the world is.

If you don’t follow boxing then how would you know the difference between the moves of Karate, Jiu Jitsuor Taekwondo?

The “sport” has no interest for me. Sure Kimbo Slice has the best name since that world famous stripper Kitty Litter, but if I wanted to watch two grown men beat the living crap out of each other, all I need to do it bring a lawn chair and park it in front of any bar in America and you’ll have a front-row seat to your local version of extreme fighting.

Yes, there will be blood.

Some of the extreme fighters are college educated, but watching two guys grappling then dropping to the ground where one guy pummels the other until the ref stops it or the guy being bludgeoned taps out, is of no interest to me.

At one point the sport was called “human cock fighting,” but now it has rules, but the viciousness of the sport is worst than boxing.

I’ve watched matches on the Versus and Spike networks and after a few matches I was wondering what was on the Food Network.

I’d rather eat Korean kimchi than watch American Kimbo.

CBS Sports is even getting into the ring with MMA by televising four weeks of live, prime time viewing starting Saturday, May 31 at 9 pm EST. It’s called CBS EliteXC Saturday Night Fights and it’s not be confused with the long-standing 800-pound gorilla the UFC led by Dana White.

When CBS airs this junk, I will be doing my Saturday night shift on WFAN and I won’t have the monitor on to the carnage.

People can go on and on about this being the next big “it” sport right up there with the endless World Series of Poker or the look-at-me-kill-myself X-Games on ESPN.

Okay, so I’m an old fart and I know what I like, but I also know what I don’t like and MMA/extreme fighting is on that list.

What’s next? … Extreme Pipe Fighting? The World Series of Beer Bottle Fighting? How about Extreme Spelling Bee Annihilation with Chuck Norris?

Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about these potential “sports?” If you’re between the ages of 18 and 34 your future may lie in these niche sports.

Bon appetite!