Damn you Don Draper and Swin Cash. I did things the old-fashioned, Ebersolian way for most of the day on Wednesday.

I wanted to watch the All-American women’s beach volleyball final in NBC’s primetime without knowing if April Ross and Jen Kessy had spoiled the fairy tale ending for the queens of the beach, Misty May-Treanor and Kerry Walsh Jennings. The pair was looking to conclude their 12-year run together with a third Olympic gold medal draped around their necks at Horse Guards Parade.

So I worked from home, writing up a story about Spanish-language soccer networks and kept clear of all news sites and NBCOlympics.com. Late in the afternoon, though, I went to the dentist and returned home to find my wife catching up on the third season of Mad Men on Netflix. At that point, I wanted to see if the men’s basketball team was putting the Aussies down under in the quarterfinals, so I squinted my way through the loading of LiveExtra to find Coach K’s crew only up 56-53 in the third. Settling in as the current Dream Team pushed ahead and as Draper waited outside the delivery room while Betty struggled to do the same with their child, my peripheral vision did me in: to the left of LeBron was the tweeter feed where Cash, one of six of Geno Auriemma’s former UConners on the women’s national team, congratulated Misty and Kerry.

No doubt much to the delight of NBCU executives in London and Stateside, I fell in line with the rest of the millions who have been making 2012 the top non-U.S. Summer Games with the Nielsens since ABC’s coverage of the 1976 Montreal Games, and watched — even as my inalienable right to screen the DVR-proof excitement of live sports had been abrogated.

For the final time, I was able to witness the smarts, tenacity, skills, commitment and talents of Kerry — whose sliding, coffin-corner dropper against China’s Xue Chen and Zhang Xi late in the second-set of the semis was the play of the tourney– and especially Misty. Her ability to read the play and dig and tap or put balls away are all the more amazing considering she rebounded from an Achilles injury sustained while practicing for ABC’s Dancing with the Stars. The ladies — the only distaff duo to earn three beach volleyball Olympic medals, much less of the gilded variety — once put together a Dimaggio-like 112-match win streak that ended shortly after their triumph in Beijing. Reforming for a last journey to golden glory, they finished their tri-Olympic run — albeit anticlimactically when Ross’s served sailed long to finish the three-peat 21-16, 21-16 — at 21-0 in matches, 42-1 in sets, the only blemish coming at the hands of Austria’s Schwaiger sisters in pool play.

Walsh Jennings, the mother of two with AVP star Casey Jennings, has talked about playing in a fifth Games at Rio in 2016 — she was on the USA indoor volleyball team in Sydney, where May finished fifth on the beach with Holly McPeak. For her part, Misty reiterated during interviews courtside with Heather Cox and in the studio with Bob Costas that’s she going home to support her teammate in future personal and beach endeavors, and start a family with husband, Matt Treanor. The Los Angeles Dodgers catcher received more than a few on-air shout-outs during his wife’s post-match messaging throughout the tourney.

By all accounts, the 15,000-seat volleyball stadium in Horse Guards Parade was the place to be at the 2012 Games. That should come as no surprise to those who have attended the sand sport in person, whether the action emanates from London, Belmar, Seaside Heights, Coney Island or Manhattan Beach, Calif. It’s the right mix of sun, fun, partying, beefcake, cheesecake, athleticism and up-close-and-personal with the players. (I can remember swimming in the surf at the Jersey Shore with Mike Dodd, the silver medalist with the late Mike Whitmarsh during the inaugural beach competition at the 1996 Atlanta Games, after a local match, as well as steering well clear of Karch Kiraly and his pink hat in a VIP tent in 2005 after he and partner Mike Lambert flamed out in trying to defend their Manhattan Beach crown, the sport’s Wimbledon, from the year before.)

The men’s final on Thursday between Brazil’s Emanuel-Alison and Germany’s Julius Brink-Jonas Reckermann may be the final event at Horse Guards Parade, but the Kerry-Misty moment closes the door on beach volleyball’s greatest squad — with all due homage to the kings-of-the-beach reigns of Sinjin Smith-Randy Stoklos and Karily-Kent Steffes, who teamed for sand gold in Atlanta.

Holding hands on the medal stand and during their interview with Costas, Kerry as the host said, got a whole lot of Misty on the podium as the national anthem sounded. Rest assured, the golden girls weren’t alone.

In Beijing, it was the Phelps Phenomenon. In London, it’s merely the Phelps Phactor.

Four years ago, Michael Phelps captivated the world, winning eight gold medals in China. The Baltimore Bullet’s amazing performance was an integral part of what NBCU research president Alan Wurtzel called “the perfect storm” for Olympic ratings that also included a time-zone differential from Asia that placed many key events in east coast primetime and a U.S. team that won more medals than any other delegation, outside the Soviet boycotted-1984 LA Games.

It was that puissant combination NBCU CEO Steve Burke said on a second-quarter earnings call on Aug. 1 that led the programmer’s executives to believe that the 2008 Beijing Games represented a “high water mark” for Olympic viewing and model its projections on the 2004 Athens Games. NBC averaged 27.7 million primetime viewers in Beijing and 24.6 million four years earlier with its coverage from the original site of the Olympics.

Well, Phelps, Ryan Lochte and 17-year-old Missy Franklin, as well as Gabby Douglas, the women’s all around champion, and other members of Fab Five that took home the distaff gymnastics gold, are blowing through those numbers from Beijing and Athens and delivering some of the best Summer Games’ Nielsens dating back to ABC’s coverage of the Montreal Olympics in 1976. (Can someone say decathlete great Bruce Jenner, pre-facelifts and Kardashian connections, Sugar Ray Leonard and Nadia Comaneci?)

NBCU’s expansive digital coverage — it’s streaming all the events lives with the belief that the gambit would drive people to the Peacock’s packaged and taped coverage in primetime — is also working quite well. (Note to Twitterians, London is five hours ahead of the east coast.)

Through its first seven nights of primetime coverage from London, NBC averaged 35.1 million viewers, 15% higher and 4.5 million more watchers than Beijing’s 30.6 million, and 30% and 8.1 million more than Athens’ 27 million. Those were the best marks for any non-U.S. Summer Olympics since the Montreal Games. London’s seven-night average household rating of 19.5/33 was also the most for any non-U.S. Summer Olympics through the first Thursday since the 1976 competition, and represented a 10% gain over the 17.7/30 standard for Beijing and 20% advance from the 16.2/28 from Athens.

The improved ratings enabled NBCU to get back into the Olympic ad market — no make-good worries — on Monday. That coupled with an uptick in the Games’ sales in the months leading up to the quadrennium — NBCU crossed the Pond with $1 billion on the books, $150 millon more than for Beijing — now has Comcast/NBCU officials talking about breaking even, after initial internal projections called for a $200 million London loss.

NBC Sports Group president Mark Lazarus even said on an August 2 media conference call that NBCU could edge into the black if the ratings’ rise continued. Lazarus — who in a March interview responded to this reporter’s query about London’s profitability prospects by saying “tell me what the ratings are” — noted Thursday that “we think there’s a small chance that we could make a little bit of money. We’ll know over the next couple weeks.”

But Lazarus expressed caution: “We are also realistic to know that we’re hitting some historic highs across every platform. We know every day won’t be an all-time high.”

He pointed out that Phelps won his record eighth gold medal in Beijing on the second Saturday night of those Games. While that won’t be happening on Aug. 4, Phelps is taking his final pool plunge as an Olympian as a member of America’s 4 x 100 medley relay team that is favored to win gold.

A victory would extend Phelps’s record Olympic medal count mark to 22. In the last individual race of his storied career, Phelps was seventh at the turn, before exploding during the final 50 to earn a 100-meter fly three-peat. It was his second such achievement in London, as he also defended his 2004 and 2008 golds in the 200-meter individual medley.

For the record, these are the marks NBC is taking aim at on Saturday night : a 17.6 rating, 32 share and 31.1 million viewers  for Phelps’ final swim in Beijing. Those were NBC’s best results for a Saturday night since Golden Girls‘ spinoff Empty Nest in 1990.

The stakes are not nearly as high for Phelps on August 4, but Americans like to say goodbye to their TV heroes. (The 36.8 million who tuned in the Olympics on August 2 was the largest audience for any network on a Thursday night since the Friends’ finish in 2004.)

Here’s hoping Lazarus’ tout about the Phelps Phinale was all wet.

The ghost of Bunny Austin can finally rest easy.

Austin was the last Brit to reach the finals of Wimbledon (and a Grand Slam tourney, for that matter) back in 1938, until Scotsman Andy Murray crossed that line at the All England Club on Friday with a four-set win over Frenchman Jo-Wilfried Tsonga.

Having wiped away 74 years of U.K. futility in taking the step past the semifinals that Tim Henman and Roger Taylor were never able to bridge, Murray is now looking to ace the ultimate serve and erase the legacy of Fred Perry as the last Englishman to win Wimbledon in 1936. To finally rewrite the answer to that 76-year-old tennis history question, Murray must stare down the specter of Roger Federer across the lawn.

The Grand Slam king turned up his serve and turned back the clock during the first semifinal, taking out world No. 1 and defending Wimbledon champion Novak Djokovic in four high-level sets of his own.

That leaves ESPN with an historic gentleman’s final during its first fortnight as the U.S. exclusive rights-holder to The Championships. While Serena Williams is a heavy favorite to match Big Sister Venus’ collection of five Venus Rosewater Dishes against Agnieszka Radwanska. She has been suffering from a respiratory ailment over the past few days, but would ascend to No. 1 with a victory.

Murray’s quest is far monumental for himself, the kingdom and BBC ratings.

How large will they be for ESPN, without an American, Djoker and Fed’s (and Murray’s) nemesis, Rafa Nadal, on the screen, remains to be seen. (Check out NBC’s Nielsen Finals results over the past decade below.)

But there are many other numbers to consider that certainly warrant a Wimbledon breakfast of strawberries and cream and tune-in to ESPN by all tennis aficionados and casual sports fans on Sunday, July 8 at 9 a.m. (ET):

*A Federer victory in his record eighth Big W final will level him with Pete Sampras and Englishman Willie Renshaw (back in the late 1800s, the defending champion only had to win the title match) for the all-time mark of seven Wimbledon crowns.

*Should Roger extend his own Grand Slam mark to 17 he will also tie Pistol Pete for the most weeks as No. 1 with 286.

*He would become the first man on the wrong side of life’s 30 netcord to win a Slam since Andre Agassi captured the 2003 Australian Open. Jimmy Connors was the last 30-something man to reach the final here 28 years ago, when he lost to ESPN commentator John McEnroe.

*A Murray victory would exact Major revenge against Federer, who topped the Scot in two (2008 U.S. Open, 2010 Australian) of his three losses in Grand Slam finals.

*Andy would avoid tying his coach Ivan Lendl, who dropped four Major finals before breaking through in a career that netted eight Slams. His protégé would also give the hard-hitting Czech some form of redemption after he succumbed to Boris Becker and Pat Cash in the 1986 and 1987 Wimby finals, respectively.

*Murray would join Argentine Juan Martin del Potro (a five-set winner over Federer at the 2009 U.S. Open) as the only man to muscle in on the Slam stranglehold that has seen Djokovic, Nadal and Fed claim 28 of the last 29 Majors.

*The winner could score an historic Golden Grass-court Double: Not only would the victor hold the trophy at The Championships aloft, but he would be in position to possibly drape an Olympic Gold Medal around his neck. The tennis competition at the London Games will be held at Wimbledon in just three weeks.

As ESPN’s Hannah Storm said after Murray had set up this version of a Dream Final: “You have your native son, and your favorite son.” One of them is going to leave his mark on history.

Wimbledon Finals Ratings

Women’s                           Men’s

Year Rating Viewers      Rating Viewers

2011 1.6 2.25 mil.           1.8 2.65 mil.

2010 1.6 2.23 mil.           1.6 2.32 mil

2009 2.3 3.27 mil.           3.8 5.71 mil.

2008 2.5 3.65 mil.           3.5 5.17 mil.

2007 2.2 3.06 mil.           2.7 3.75 mil.

2006 2.0 2.65 mil.           2.5 3.40 mil.

2005 3.4 4.62 mil.           2.1 2.75 mil.

2004 3.1 3.98 mil.            2.8 3.64 mil.

2003 2.9 3.42 mil.            2.2 2.67 mil.

2002 3.4 4.55 mil.            2.4 3.21 mil.

Source: Nielsen

On arguably the most exciting night in Major League Baseball regular-season history, it was great to be a supporter of the St. Louis Cardinals and Tampa Bay Rays.

But it was very painful to be a fan of the Atlanta Braves and Boston Red Sox, who ignominiously secured their places in baseball’s pennant race collapse clubhouse, alongside the likes of the 2007 New York Mets, 1995 California Angels, 1964 Philadelphia Phillies and 1951 Brooklyn Dodgers, all of which squandered postseason berths with sizable September swoons.

And rest assured, it wasn’t a lot of fun for executives at Liberty Media, Fox and Turner Sports. Or evidently for some Saawwx supporters at ESPN, either.

The fate of the Wild Cards aside, playoff positioning for Texas and Detroit in the American League and Milwaukee and Arizona in the National League was also at stake on Sept. 28. Indeed entering game 162, there were only two postseason certainties: the Phillies and the New York Yankees held the top seeds in their respective leagues.

Staring at a potential pair of Thursday Wild Card tiebreakers — Atlanta-St. Louis in the National League, Boston-Tampa Bay in the junior circuit — TBS was struck out with both.

Their best starter Tim Hudson on the hill, the Braves were tomahawked by Hunter Pence throwing out Dan Uggla at the plate and shortstop Jack Wilson blowing a double play ball that enabled the Phillies to draw near before rookie closer Craig Kimbrel flushed a 3-2 lead in the ninth.

The Braves coughed up the last bit of their 8.5-game September Wild Card lead to the Phillies in the unlucky 13th. With the Cardinals having already disposed of Houston, MLB’s worst team, 8-0, Pence, who escaped the Astros’ mess at the trade deadline, finalized Atlanta’s descent into the abyss with a run-scoring squibb single through the infield into shallow right. Hence, the revamped Braves, part of John Malone’s revised Liberty Capital, were sent packing from The Ted with a five-game losing streak as the final line of their 2011 epitaph.

Now, the Cards pack their bags and head to Philly, while the Brew Crew entertain the Diamondbacks in Milwaukee.

For their part, the Red Sox did the Braves a half-game better in the flop file. Entering September, Boston headed the AL East before falling behind their nemesis in New York and finally to Tampa.

More importantly from a Nielsen perspective, much of Red Sox Nation won’t be counted among the audience for TBS’s presentation of American League Division Series. For those keeping score, the Bosox and their backers have also been shut out from Fox’s coverage of the American League Championship Series and/or World Series for that matter.

On the last day of the 2011 regular season, Mother Nature played her part with an 86-minute rain delay going into the middle of the seventh in Baltimore. Foolish base-running and a lack of clutch-hitting by Boston also kept the Orioles in it Wednesday night, setting the stage for the Fenwayers’ ultimate fold in the final frame at Camden Yards.

That came courtesy of closer Jonathan Papelbum, er, Papelbon. You know, the man who said he deserved to be the closer in the 2008 All-Star Game, the final major event at the old Yankee Stadium. After being assailed by Yankee fans and the media for his arrogance, Papelbum recanted, saying he intended no disrespect to Mariano Rivera with his remarks about last-man positioning in the house where you gotta close with Mo.

Meanwhile down in St. Petersburg at The Trop, David Price had nothing for the Rays, who were tied with the Sox entering the final, scheduled regular-season game. Price surrendered a pair of home runs to New York’s Mark Texeira, including a second-inning grand slam, and left trailing 6-0. Andruw Jones added another dinger and Tampa was down 7-0 entering the bottom of the eighth. But Yankee southpaw Boone Logan and righty Luis Ayala both faltered, imploding for a combined six runs, capped by a three-run jack by Evan Longoria.

Then in the bottom of the ninth, Corey Wade, another important member of the Bronx Bombers’ bullpen, got the first two batters and reached two strikes on pinch-hitter Dan Johnson, who hadn’t homered since April. Wade hung a breaking ball and Johnson deposited it down the right-field line to tie it!

Back in Baltimore, Papelbum closed out the Red Sox season by surrendering three consecutive hits after two were away. Boston, which had been 77-0 leading after eight, suffered a blemish for the ages, one that left Karl Ravech, the skipper of the Baseball Tonight Bosox fan club, reaching for excuses for his beloved. Thought the late lamenting and emoting sorrow about the administration of a team’s last rites were the tasks of the hometown media, in this case, regional sports network NESN, not a worldwide leader.

Instead, Ravech asked ESPN teammates Barry Larkin and Bobby Valentine where were the Yankees’ top relievers, David Robertson and all-time saves leader Rivera, as the lead diminished. He talked about how the Phillies played their regular lineup to the end against the Braves, while noting that the Yankees had pulled most of its starters as they etched their edge. Ravech counted just 30 homers among the Yankees on the field at game’s end against Tampa. That was just short of Longoria’s tally for the season, according to his calculations, with the final bomb the one Ravech couldn’t bring his heart to compute.

Since John Kruk, Curt Schill and Nomaaaaa weren’t in his clubhouse, Ravech didn’t find a shoulder to cry on. Larkin responded by saying you don’t lose a nine-game lead in September and then expect the Yankees to help. Bobby V also seemed to pooh-pooh Ravech’s prattle, saying it was tough for New York to put its foot back on the gas once the lead was lost.

Perhaps Ravech should have postulated that Ayala’s aim was to torment the Sox. Or, that Wade purposely waited until the absolute last moment to blow his first save opportunity in order to stick it to Boston. Or maybe Greg Golson was instructed to get caught off third on a bouncer to Longoria with nobody out in the Yankees’ 12th.

And maybe New York manager Joe Girardi was just waiting for the right moment to summon Scott Proctor, the man affectionately known as The Proctologist in some Empire State quarters, for the kind of pain he has inflicted on a part of Yankee fans’ anatomy over two stints in the Bronx.

Having already wrapped up the American League’s postseason home-field advantage last weekend, Girardi knew from recent first-hand experience what can result from an exam by the man. During the second game of the Yankees-Red Sox doubleheader on Sunday, Girardi granted the Sox a pardon of sorts, by not playing through various relief scenarios for a tiring Ivan Nova that cost New York the lead.Then with the game tied, Girardi elected not to use resting position players in key pinch-hitting spots in the ninth and in extras. A Yankee win would have swept the three-game set and perhaps much of the Sox’ playoff prospects with it.

Proctor did his business quickly on Sept. 25, giving up a three-run homer in the top of the 14th to Jacoby Ellsbury, who, along with Dustin Pedroia and Adrian Gonzalez, should top the AL MVP voting for fifth-place Boston, according to Bristol pollsters, to temporarily right the Sox ship.

Against Tampa Wednesday night, the reliever made the pain linger for a while. Proctor stretched through the last out in the ninth, then squeezed past the 10th and 11th. But just three minutes after Carl Crawford — like he had for most of the season — came up short on a looper by Robert Andino that plated Kyle Hudson and made a loser of Papelbum, The Proctologist’s glove fit.

As the Tampa fans realized that their boys were on the cusp of authoring an incredible, historic comeback, Proctor, on a 2-2 count, served up a liner to Longoria that cleared the low fence along the left field line for an 8-7 win in the 12th. If it wasn’t Bobby Thompson, it certainly was the shot heard round The Trop — and The Hub.

The Rays now visit the defending AL champ Rangers in Arlington, while the Yankees host the Tigers and their ace Justin Verlander. Somehow The Proctologist won’t be plying his particular craft during that series, even if Ravech would like to make the call to the pen.

If Yogi’s right and it gets late early out there, ESPN needs a big one from Monday Night Football with the Nielsens tonight.

Three games into the 2011 season, MNF is 0 for 3 in matching up with last season’s ratings’ performances. The opener of the primetime package’s first-night doubleheader saw New England-Miami average 14.6 million viewers, down 2% from the nearly 15 million for New York Jets-Baltimore during last year’s kickoff, while the Sept. 12 Oakland-Denver nightcap scored with 11.1 million viewers, 7% light of the 11.9 million for Kansas City-San Diego last season.

Last week, the New York Giants-St. Louis Rams game, blitzed by the opening night crush of the new Ashton Kutcher-led Two and a Half Men and the Charlie Sheen roast on Comedy Central, fell 21% to 11.9 million from 15.1 million for New Orleans-San Francisco a year earlier.

Tonight, the schedule-maker could work in the worldwide leader’s favor: The Dallas Cowboys, America’s Team, led by Tony Romo, he of the punctured lung and fractured ribs, host Rex Grossman’s surprising, 2-0 Washington Redskins at Jerry’s World. Indeed, the big market match-up of bitter rivals from the NFC East is arguably near the top of ESPN’s MNF slate this season.

However, it’s facing some tough Nielsen competition from its 2010 counterpart: Chicago’s 20-17 win over Green Bay averaged a 12.5 cable rating, a 10.8 national mark, 12.5 million households and nearly 17.45 million viewers, according to Nielsen data. That ranks as the ninth-most-viewed telecast in cable history.

Last season, MNF, propelled by a couple of late-season winners — Brett Favre’s career-ending performance drew 17.1 million for Minnesota-Chicago on Dec. 20, 2010, while New Orleans-Atlanta garnered 19.1 million watchers a week later to rank fifth all-time — managed to ease past its 2009 deliveries and establish new Nielsen season benchmarks on ESPN by averaging a 10.5 rating, 10.5 million homes and 14.7 million watchers.

Scrutiny for MNF has been ratcheted up by ESPN’s new eight-year, $15.2 billion contract extension that was announced on Sept. 8, the first day of the 2011 campaign that saw NBC televise the Packers’ win over the Saints.

The most expensive rights deal in U.S. sports media history — the actual MNF extension part of the pact doesn’t take effect until the 2014 campaign — has prompted a number of stories about attendant license fee increases stemming from the contract. ESPN officials maintain that one property doesn’t determine its license fee, which at some $4.50 or more per month, is by far cable’s highest this side of premium channels.