Martin’s Witness Mismanagement

Where does one file a complaint to object to the discriminatory witness management practices of the chairman of the Federal Communications Commission?

At Harvard Law School last Monday, Comcast executive vice president David Cohen had to wait while the cable operator’s rivals dished out one hyperbolic accusation after another totally unchallenged.

Cohen faced a lopsided situation because that’s how FCC chairman Kevin Martin wanted it. Martin’s intent was obvious: Let the anti-Comcast screeds pile so high that Cohen couldn’t possible address them all in his alotted five minutes.

Amazingly — or pathetically — Martin had the effrontery to say he was playing fair: “We’re going to go in alphabetical order so nobody’s going to get any favorable treatment. We are all being non-discriminatory in our approach.”

Speakers were arranged alphabetically by last name, so four people spoke before Cohen. In all, he had to stew for an hour and 23 minutes before he could say a nice word about Comcast.

Had Martin alphabetically ordered the program by company or institution name, Cohen would have spoken second, ahead of Free Press general counsel Marvin Ammori and CEO Gilles BianRosa of Vuze.

A Martin aide reacted bitterly at a report that accused Martin of slanting the forum against Comcast.

“Are you kidding? That panel was exactly equal between company-requested witnesses and public interest ones. Get your facts straight,” the miffed Martin aide said in an e-mail message.

A person familiar with Martin’s effort to assemble the Harvard witness list said the Martin aide’s e-mail was complete bull.

We would be remiss if we didn’t mention Comcast’s decision to hire people to hold seats for its employees in the auditorium.

Two points: One, FreePress’s real beef was that its people couldn’t get in to boo and heckle Cohen in person; two, Comcast didn’t pick a 300-seat law school lecture hall to stage an event where demand for seating would be high.

Kevin Martin did that.

DirecTV Loves Its Cable Jokes

DirecTV’s digs at cable don’t stop at commercials. Its executives can’t help cracking jokes about their rivals, either.

Derek Chang, executive vice president of content strategy and development, cited one of his former cable employers, Charter, at DirecTV’s investor conference in New York last week, the day after Charter reported losing 66,000 analog customers in the fourth quarter.

“The last time I was up in front of investors and analysts was when I was still CFO of Charter, and I was getting bombarded with questions about Charter’s balance sheet,” he said. “That was 2005. It’s now 2008, and you might still have questions about Charter’s balance sheet … but I’m here to talk about DirecTV content.” Analyst laughter ensued.

Next came DirecTV Entertainment executive vice president Eric Shanks, picking up on the street noise filtering into the Hudson Theater.

“You guys hear this jack-hammering that’s going on? It must suck to be Time Warner and have to dig up the streets,” he quipped, adding, “Time Warner called to apologize.”

Stop. Please. You’re killing us.

Bitter Smith Eyes Congress

The Arizona-New Mexico Cable Communications Association’s executive director might try again to trade her gig in Phoenix for a higher-profile one in Washington, D.C.

Susan Bitter Smith said last Thursday (Feb. 28) she’s formed an exploratory campaign committee to consider whether to challenge freshman Congressman Harry Mitchell, a Democrat, for the state’s 5th District seat.

Bitter Smith, a Republican, has been active in politics outside her job representing the cable industry, having served as a Scottsdale city councilwoman. She also ran for Congress in 2000.

“We don’t need any more rehashed talking points from Washington, D.C. — we need action points,” Bitter Smith said in the statement announcing her exploration. “The challenges facing the 5th District require action, and leadership.”

There are already five Republican contenders in the district race, local reports say, so Bitter Smith would have her work cut out for her.

But in an election year where candidates are touting their ability to bring people together, she can cite one such accomplishment: in her tenure, the Arizona and New Mexico cable associations merged.