'Twas the night before Christmas and all
through the system
The subs were all happy 'cause the techs
hadn't missed 'em.
The customers were all tuned in enjoying their
And their pictures were crystal, without any snow.
The CSRs were all nestled all snug in their beds
While echoes of mystery calls flowed through their
At the computer myself I had sat
To take another look to see where our budget was
When out in the easement there arose such a
It sounded like an installer extending his ladder.
Away to the window I flew like a flash.
I tripped over my chair and fell into some trash.
When what to my training-filled eyes should appear
But an old bucket truck just a-grinding its gears.
This truck it flew by -- faster than lightning.
It went by so fast it was really quite
Then the little old driver then gave out a holler.
'Twas then I knew it was Saint Cable
He stopped his truck and set out his cones.
He strutted to the porch like Indiana Jones.
He was decked out in safety gear from his head to
It was 'cause of OSHA he had to do so.
As I opened the door he said with a smile,
"I know you've been waiting for this for
I admitted my shock he'd shown up that night.
He confirmed that my name and my address were
Then he said, "'Cause I'm late,
this one will be free.
It's all part of the Cable On-Time
As he came through the door, he wiped off his
This confirmed my thinking that his work would be
Into the family room he started to enter
And walked right up to my home entertainment
There in the glow coming from the empty TV
I looked at him and he looked at me.
He whipped out some cable and hooked it up to the
And then he connected the videocassette.
The wire looked like it was about to explode.
I didn't know if my set could handle the
He stepped back and the cable wires started to
I wasn't quite sure what was about to become.
Then suddenly like lightning channels started to
I fell back in my chair and started watching them
My house was filled up with a myriad of sights
Of laughter and tears that would fill up my
He gave me some sitcoms and series and more.
He added the older reruns I adore.
He left programs with music and sci-fi and
He left shows about adventure and nature and
He had shows about animals and human relations.
Several were game shows and others education.
Some channels on romance, and programs on food,
Channels with shows teaching to make things from
He continued to offer his televised features
Packed with stars, celebrities, athletes and
There were shows about arts, entertainment and
Programs for the family, or whatever the yearning.
Then, in the case of impending disasters,
He added in the news from some local broadcasters.
There were channels of news and information
From right here in town to the rest of the nation.
There were programs with info from Capitol Hill
And sleazy news stories about Monica and Bill.
Channels with talk shows with star-studded guests.
There was so much to choose from it was hard to
There were even some programs of inspiration,
And outdoor shows about recreation.
I couldn't believe the shows of all sorts
You should see the multitudes of programs on
I couldn't believe the overwhelming action.
By then I'd had enough to bring satisfaction.
From traditional, old-fashioned, classical acts
To the latest cutting-edge technological facts.
He brought me programs that would enhance my life
By bringing some channels geared just for my wife.
Programs on music, programs on Love,
Then even more programs on all of the above.
The list of attractions continued to unravel
With programs on places and programs on travel.
Money and science and old movie classics.
And some music videos with all of their antics.
On and on the programs continued to flow
With dramas and comedies and reality shows.
And even though they're controversial,
He left some home shopping and infomercials.
My converter was packed and the schedule was full.
I knew that my evenings would never be dull.
He thanked me profusely and prepared to leave,
Then he said, "That's not all, if you
He zapped me some premium channels and more,
Commercial-free programs and movies galore.
Then when I was sure that was all he could do
He ordered me movies on pay-per-view.
With so many channels I felt like a hog.
He completed the work order and filled out the
As he finished, he said, "If you think your
Just wait 'n' see what we'll do
with your phone and computer."
Then he sprang to his truck, on his mike gave a
And away he sprinted faster than heck.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he sped away,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a great
G. Scott Flake
CableVision of Parker, Ariz./Blythe, Calif.